Things NOT to do In Feudal Japan
by BecSquared
Summary: Ever gone to see Inuyasha and not known what to do while you're there? I have composed an entire list of things pranksters might enjoy! Have fun!


Things NOT to do in Feudal Japan

I will not ask Inuyasha about his time of the month

Sango is not Australian just because she has a boomerang

I will not ask if I can see if Naraku, Inuyasha and Sesshomaru wear undergarments under their clothes

This goes double for Miroku who will be more than happy to let the girls find out

Shippo is not a punching bag

Do not make Rin cry

Resurrecting Kikyo is not funny nor is it useful

I will not call Naraku 'Monkey Man'

Inuyasha does not need coffee

Neither does Shippo

Inuyasha doesn't want to do it 'doggie style'

I will not ask Kagome how well Inuyasha wields his sword

Jaken is not an ugly plushie

Sadly, he is a real….um...thing

I will not call Koga Jacob Black, no matter how well it fits him

I will not tell Sesshomaru to play 'Fetch'

When in a battle when Inuyasha is defending your life, scream clearly and precisely and do not say 'sit'

I will not hide random articles from the future in the past

I will not steal random articles and try to pawn them off as antiques

Kanna's mirror does not get cable

Kagura is not an extension on Naraku, she is a henchman…woman

I will not introduce Miroku to my sister…or my aunt…or my mother…or my grandmother…or any woman in the future for that matter

Using the Sexy-No-Jutsu to transform oneself into Kagome will not let Inuyasha love you

This doesn't work on Sesshomaru either

I will not teach Shippo the Sexy-No-Jutsu

Especially when Miroku is around

I will not bring 'Inuyasha the Musical' with me

I will not hum 'Down Under' around Sango

Inuyasha does need obedience school but I will not say this to his face

Naraku does not need a hug

He needs psychiatric help

I will not use Miroku's hand cover thing as a band aid especially since he needs it more

Inuyasha does not want a dog treat

He wants potato chips

I will not dangle potato chips in front of Inuyasha's face

I will not go up to Miroku while Sango and Miroku are deep in conversation and when Sango has a potentially deadly weapon and say, "We need to talk. I'm pregnant."

I will not tell Inuyasha Kagome having an affair with Sesshomaru

I will not tell Kagome that I saw Inuyasha and Kikyo together last night

I will not tell Koga I'm having an lesbian affair with Kagome

I will not spontaneously kick Jaken into water

Rin doesn't need to learn how to wield a sword

I will not hum 'Reproduction' around Miroku

I will not suggest that before a mortal combat in which Sesshomaru is helping us to use Rin as bait

Jaken is the best suggestion

Kagura is not albino

Kanna is not a lost member from the Hyuuga Clan

Kirara is not to be used as a campfire

I will no hug and squeeze and call Kirara George as this may result in painful injury

I will not refer to Kikyo, Kagome and Inuyasha as a love triangle

I will not randomly steal the Tetsigia to see if Inuyasha will go demon

I will not sing 'Dradle Dradle Dradle' whenever Shippo uses the dradle thing

I will not replace the Shikon Jewel with a regular purple bead

I will not give said purple bead to Inuyasha

Even though I know there is something between Kagura and Sesshomaru, I will not sell this information to Inuyasha

Kagura is not allowed to go into the modern world

I will not compare Temari to Kagura

I will not shove a car down the well of time to attempt to reenact 'Back to the Future'

I will not play the Song of Time every time I open the door to the shrine

I will never bring a Puritan with me

'Spreading the Disease' is not Kagome's theme song

I will not go up to Miroku and demand that he pay up

Kagura is not Naraku's and I will not tell Sesshomaru that she is

I will not use Raid against Naraku's insects

Even if it works

If Inuyasha becomes heavily injured, I will not shout, "Get up! It's only a flesh wound!"

Sango is not allowed to put the special prayer beads around Miroku's neck to have him 'sit' on command

Inuyasha is not my pet

He's Kagome's but mentioning that is fatal

I will not tell Inuyasha the in a parallel universe he is Edward Cullen by default

On that same note, Inuyasha doesn't need to sparkle so I will not rub glitter glue on him while he is asleep

I will not ask Kanna "Mirror Mirror in Kanna's hands, who is the idiot of the land?"

I already know the answer to this so there is no need to ask *cough* Inuyasha *cough*

I will not tell Miroku that Inuyasha's sword is bigger than his

I will not say that in Dungeon's & Dragon's, I killed Inuyasha with a +8 Kikyo….actually with a +69 Kikyo depending on your perspective

I will never ever bring this list with me to Feudal Japan

I will not bring an Inuyasha plushie with me and say he has been in my pocket to see the expression on Kagome's face

Inuyasha won't get it but Kagome will explain it to him

Kagura is never to use a machine gun

Or hold one for that matter

I will not create my own, dramatic theme music for combat

Miroku is not my sex slave

He's Sango's but mentioning that is fatal

If I steal the Staff of Two Heads from Jaken, I will not use him as the goofball

Miroku doesn't need to see a soap opera

Naraku doesn't need Prozac

I will not steal Sesshomaru's fluffy

I will not refer to Jaken as Yoda

Rin is not to be referred to as demon bait around Sesshomaru

I will not ask Sesshomaru where he gets his eyeliner

A pixy stick and Shippo are not to come within five yards of each other

I will not offer Koga a squeaky toy

I will not bring a working TV and call it my magic box

I will not then sell tickets for people to watch my magic box

I will not bring a dog whistle

Kirara doesn't need catnip…no matter how funny the results may be

I will not ask Naraku about the different applications of his tentacles

I will not bring Melia

I will not paint Sesshomaru's nails

I will not hide Kagome's make-up in Inuyasha's pockets

I will not distribute illegal drugs

I will not bring a random amulet and then tell everyone that it has magical transforming powers

I will not bring a megaphone

I will not use said megaphone to give a three am wake-up call

I will not give the megaphone to Inuyasha or Shippo

I will not start music lessons

I will not give Sesshomaru a snow globe

Rin is the only one allowed to give Sesshomaru flowers

I will not enhance Naraku's monkey suit with glitter

I will not play the 'Jaws' theme as Naraku approaches

I will not shave Sesshomaru bald

I will not give Naraku a mohawk or a mullet

I will not dress Sesshomaru up in a skin tight, leather cat outfit

I will not duct-tape Inuyasha to a tree

I will not duct-tape Sesshomaru to the same tree

I will not put Sesshomaru in a dress and then introduce him as Fluffy to Miroku

Even if there is room, I will not duct-tape Naraku to the mentioned tree

I will not attempt to put Inuyasha and Sesshomaru in family therapy

When Naraku is separated, I will not steal and hide his body parts in different locations

This includes different continents

I will not bring the Inuyasha manga books, tell Inuyasha he's a star and then say "April Fools!"

I will not force Inuyasha to wear shoes

I will not give Rin a trumpet…or a piccolo…or a violin…or any high pitched instrument

I will not teach "It's a Small World" to Shippo

I will not sing the Barney song in the company of Inuyasha, Sesshomaru and Naraku

I will not collar Sesshomaru's dog form

I will not mention the mountains and a drunken fog around Inuyasha and the gang

I will not attempt to recreate the effects of the fog

I will not put fly paper on Inuyasha's shoulder so Myoga can't run away

I will silence Rin by giving her an electronic game system

I will not then remove the batteries

I will not switch the bodies of the cast members…no matter how humorous it may be

I will not poke Sesshomaru's arm and say "Hee hee. Flab."

I will not pass my hand under Sesshomaru's arm nub and ask if his arm is invisible

I will not take pictures of me doing any of the above

I will not blackmail any of the cast members with pictures I did…not…take


End file.
